There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the proxy
father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife goodbye and
said, ‘Well, I’m off now. The man should be here
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale. ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said,
‘I’ve come to…’
‘Oh, no need to explain,’ Mrs. Smith cut
in, embarrassed, ‘I’ve beenexpecting you.’
‘Have you really?’ said the photographer.
‘Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my
‘Well that’s what my husband and I had
hoped. Please come in and have a seat’
After a moment she asked, blushing, ‘Well,
where do we start?’
‘Leave everything to me. I usually try two in
the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the
bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun You can
really spread out there.’
‘Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it
didn’t work out for Harry and me!’
‘Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a
good one every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure
you’ll be pleased with the results.’
‘My, that’s a lot!’, gasped Mrs. Smith.
‘Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to
take his time. I’d love to be Inand out in five minutes,
but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.’
‘Don’t I know it,’ said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. ‘This was done on the top of a
bus,’ he said.
‘Oh, my God!’ Mrs. Smith exclaimed,
grasping at her throat.
‘And these twins turned out exceptionally well
- when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.’
‘She was difficult?’ asked Mrs. Smith.
‘Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take
her to the park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep to get a good look’
‘Four and five deep?’ said Mrs. Smith, her
eyes wide with amazement.
‘Yes’, the photographer replied. ‘And
for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when
darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when
the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
had to pack it all in.’
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ‘Do you mean they
actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?’
‘It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if
you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get
to work right away.’ Tripod?’
‘Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to
rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the
hand very long.’Mrs. Smith fainted!!
This is a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?. He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. This incident made him aware that never be afraid of mistakes but learn from it. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor – a sea of milk!. When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, “Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?”
Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, “You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?” He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk. His mother then said, “You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let’s go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it.”
The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn’t need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment “doesn’t work,” we usually learn something valuable from it.
Moral of the story
Every success has a success story behind it. All failures have a lesson learnt. But if lessons are learnt with a remembering experience of the failure, it makes a permanent impression in our heart
UNIX is simple. But It just needs a genius to understand its simplicity.
Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
Theory is when you know something, but it doesn’t work. Practice is when something works, but you don’t know why it works. Programmers combine theory and practice: Nothing works and they don’t know why.
It’s hard enough to find an error in your code when you’re looking for it; it’s even harder when you’ve assumed your code is error-free.
-Steve McConnell Code Complete
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilisation.
The Six Phases of a Project:
Search for the Guilty
Punishment of the Innocent
Praise for non-participants
Good code is its own best documentation. As you’re about to add a comment, ask yourself, ‘How can I improve the code so that this comment isn’t needed?’ Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer.
–Steve McConnell Code Complete
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are sure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
No matter how slick (efficient) the demo is in rehearsal, when you do it in front of a live audience the probability of a flawless presentation is inversely proportional to the number of people watching, raised to the power of the amount of money involved.
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Fifty years of programming language research and we end up with C++?
–Richard A. O’Keefe
C programmers never die. They are just cast into void.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic, but you cannot have both at the same time.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.
–Alan J. Perlis
Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning.
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn’t as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.
–Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
I did say something along the lines of “C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows your whole leg off.”
It has been said that the great scientific disciplines are examples of giants standing on the shoulders of other giants. It has also been said that the software industry is an example of midgets standing on the toes of other midgets.
–Alan Cooper About Face
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
–attributed to Norm Schryer
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer .
–Fred Brooks, Jr.
As we said in the preface to the first edition, C “wears well as one’s experience with it grows.” With a decade more experience, we still feel that way.
–Brian Kernighan and Dennis Ritchie
Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability
I’ve finally learned what “upward compatible” means. It means we get to keep all our old mistakes.
–Dennie van Tassel
Rules of Optimization:
Rule 1: Don’t do it.
Rule 2 (for experts only): Don’t do it yet.
Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.
Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was written, and another for which it wasn’t.
–Alan J. Perlis
Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
Copy and paste is a design error
Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else.
The primary duty of an exception handler is to get the error out of the lap of the programmer and into the surprised face of the user. Provided you keep this cardinal rule in mind, you can’t go far wrong.