10 Laws Newton Forgot To State

 Fun News, Funny  2 Responses »
Nov 182011
 

v

Here are 10 laws that Isaac Newton failed to share with the world so i am doing his pending job…
————————————————

1. LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
————————————————
2. LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

————————————————

3. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
————————————————
4. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
————————————————
5. LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
————————————————
6. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
————————————————
7. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
————————————————
8. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!
————————————————
9. LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
————————————————
10. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

————————————————

Funny – Don't fool Death

 Funny, Jokes  No Responses »
Nov 182011
 

 

Death came to a guy and said,”My friend today is your day ”
The guy said,”But I am not ready!”.
Then death said,”Well your name is the next on my list…”.
So the guy told death,”Ok why don’t you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go?”.
Then death said,”All right…”.
The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it, death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep.
The guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list to the bottom of the list.
When death woke up he said to the guy, “I will start from the bottom of the list because you have been so very nice to me..”

 

_

 

Line in Heaven- Funny

 Funny, Jokes  No Responses »
Aug 192011
 

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said,

“I want the men to make two lines.

One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.” With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines.
The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man.

God became angry and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
The man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

Jokes – Thought about men

 Funny, Jokes  No Responses »
May 122011
 

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
*******
Thought 2

The average man’s life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
*******

Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. “Who are you?”

“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.

“Oh, yeah?” the man asked “And where the hell were you when I got married?”
*******

Thought 4

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced “Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.”

Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, “My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.”

The whole audience including priest started laughing…. …… but not the poor groom!
*******

Few Jokes and Short Inspirational Thoughts

 Funny, Inspirational, Jokes  No Responses »
Apr 212011
 

A closed mind is a good thing to lose.
************
A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. (Chinese
proverb)
************
A college professor asked his class a question. If Philadelphia is 100
miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and
Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I.
************
One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called
upon said “Professor your 44..”
The Professor said “you’re absolutely correct, but tell me how did you
arrive at the answer so quickly?”
The student said. “You see professor I have a brother, he’s 22 and
he’s half nuts.”
************
A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but
as a group decide that nothing can be done.
************
A compliment is a statement of an agreeable truth; flattery is the
statement of an agreeable untruth. (Sir John A. MacDonald)
************
A computer beat me at chess once.
But, it was no match for me at kick boxing.
************
A computer is almost human – except that it does not blame its
mistakes on another computer.
************
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick
boxing.
************
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
************
A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can’t
do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.

************

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job
WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
************
If you can stay calm, while all around you are in chaos …then you
probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the
situation.
If at first you don’t succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
************
TEAMWORK…means never having to take all the blame yourself.
************
We waste time, so you don’t have to.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
************
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent
slacker.
************
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
************
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
************
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

 Older Entries